041 - How Your Relationship with Money Is The #1 Predictor of Love, Success & Happiness

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Do you know what’s the number 1 predictor of love, success and happiness? 

It’s your relationship with money.

That’s what several studies have found.

Your relationship with money predicts how likely you are to stay happily married or end up in divorce. 

It’s also the number 1 predictor to financial success or failure.

On the podcast this week, I talk about your relationship with money, what exactly is a relationship with money and how to begin mastering it, so that you can live happier, more fulfilled lives.

Such a life is filled with financial calm, confidence and certainty. It’s how we experience financial peace of mind, knowing that our true needs and our loved ones are taken care of, no matter what happens.

Do you think it sounds unrealistic or unattainable?

I once felt that way too.

Until I created my own path to achieving financial wellness and success. 

I share my simple yet impactful 3-step framework on this week’s episode to get you started on the path to a healthier relationship with money. This is also the framework that I go into much greater detail in my new online program, Stop Money Stress

If you want to create a life where you’re financially calm, confident and certain, I want to invite you to join me in the program during this very special pre-offer stage. 

As a Founding Member, you’ll receive the course content weekly from August to October 2021. Thereafter, you get access to the full course and all future updates at no additional cost. Membership has its privileges!

And most attractive of all, you get to enjoy a whopping 80% discount on the program because I’m launching now to only a very small group of Founding Members. I want to keep it small and intimate so that I can really work closely with you to make this the best program it can possibly be for you and all future students! This also means you’re practically getting 1-to-1 coaching with me at a heavily discounted group price too!

Sign up by 1 August 2021 and you get to lock in this special Founding Member’s price at USD44. 

The price goes up to USD267 from 2 August 2021 and on all future launches. 

So don’t miss out on this very special rate.

You can find out more and sign up here: Stop Money Stress

I hope you enjoy listening to this week’s episode and I definitely hope to see you in the program!

Transcript

When it comes to love, happiness and success, many studies have shown that your relationship with money is the number one predictor of whether you stay happily married or end up in divorce or whether you achieve financial success or failure in life.

So what exactly does having a relationship with money mean?

What’s the Definition of a ‘Relationship with Money’ and Why is Your Relationship with Money Important?

Just like you can have happy, fulfilling, meaningful relationships with people, or you can have dysfunctional, unhealthy, toxic relationships with people, it’s the same with your money.

You can either have a happy, fulfilling, meaningful relationship with money or you can have a dysfunctional, unhealthy, toxic relationship with money.

Everyone has a relationship with money.

Your relationship with money was formed when you were a child, and what you experienced and observed as a child in the world around you growing up.

What was the role of money in your childhood? What did your parents, caregivers, community or society teach you about money as a child?

We carry these lessons and stories about money from childhood into adulthood, often unconsciously and without even realising it. 

Financial psychologists Drs Brad & Ted Klontz call these lessons and stories money beliefs. 

Money beliefs are beliefs you hold that are developed in childhood, often passed down from generation to generation in your family. They are typically unconscious and context-bound, meaning, they are specific to your environment, and they are a factor that drives your financial behaviours.

Drs Klontz say that financial flashpoints, or intense, emotional experiences can leave a lasting impression on you as a child because you’re trying to make sense of the role money plays in your family, life circumstances and the world. 

Your money stories or money scripts are often the root of money disorders and when money scripts involve emotional and traumatic events, they can be very resistant to change. Money scripts can also have a negative effect on your financial and emotional health. 

Why Current Traditional Approaches to Financial Management and Success Is Not Enough to Help People Be Financially Successful and Happy

If you’ve been following me for a while, then maybe you know my story about how I ended up doing what I do now, which is to help other women overcome their financial anxieties and stress so that they can create more financial calm, confidence and certainty in their lives.

I had a very comfortable life growing up, being raised in a middle upper class family. 

My dad was the breadwinner, mom stayed at home to take care of me and my brother.

We always had what we wanted and I did reasonably well in school and my career. By many accounts, you could say I was successful.

But it wasn’t until getting into a huge business debt from a business that didn’t pan out the way I’d planned it to, and being let go from my job when I was the primary breadwinner for our family did I realize the nature of my relationship with money.

Going through these life experiences stressed me out completely, kept me up at night, and put strain on my marriage.

So it made perfect sense to me as I started learning about how your relationship with money is the number one predictor of your success in life - not just financially, but in your relationship with others especially those closest to you like your spouse, kids and parents, and whether you experience happiness and fulfillment in life or anxiety, stress and broken relationships.

In trying to get out of my financial ‘crisis’, I scoured books, the internet, training programs and anything I could learn about mastering my money and finances.

But what I found were lots of strategies at the superficial level that didn’t help me deal with the stress and anxiety I felt around money.

It wasn’t until I found Drs Brad & Ted Klontz’s work and more impactfully, leading money coach, Karen McCall’s book, ‘Financial Recovery - Developing A Healthy Relationship with Money’ that I realized it wasn’t enough to just deal with money at a rational level like budgeting, investing and saving.

If I really wanted to stop stressing about money, not only did I need to put in place a system to help me achieve my financial goals, I also needed to deal with and master my relationship with money. 

But this is where I found typical conventional financial advice lacking. All they tell you is to do the thing to get out of debt, which often involves putting your life on hold while you pay off your debt. Or tell you that you have to invest in your future and retirement - well I followed that advice only to dig into deeper debt because I started charging my daily expenses to my credit card so that I had money to continue to put into investment. I thought if I didn’t invest, I’d lose out on the compound interest that is so heavily emphasized when people talk about why investing is so important. All these happened when I was already past 40, with a mortgage, car loan and school going kids to support, I felt like I really needed to make up for lost time.

Immersing myself in the personal finance and investing space really made me feel like I was so far behind, not doing all the things I was supposed to be doing with my money and that I’d run out of time, and then I’d be screwed because I won’t have enough money to live the life I wanted as I got older.

Needless to say, this just added more to my anxiety and stress!

Why I Created The Stop Money Stress Program

And that’s why I decided to create my own way where I could still pay off our debt, put some money aside for retirement and our kids’ education AND STILL have some fun in my life today. 

I thought if I could do all that, I’d start to feel more secure about my money and have more financial peace of mind. If I could know that my debt was taken care of, and the important priorities in my life like providing for and living a good life, giving our kids a good education and being independent in retirement so we don’t become a burden to our kids when we got old, if I could know all of these were taken care of, it would help reduce the stress I was feeling and maybe allow me to sleep better at night!

So I pulled together the different elements from traditional conventional financial advice, and combined it with what Drs Brad & Ted Klontz taught, Karen McCall’s financial recovery philosophy and my own 20+ years in corporate as a HR and leadership trainer & coach studying success and helping people reach their highest potential to be successful at work, to create what would become the Stop Money Stress program. Of course I didn’t know it at that time, because at that time, I just wanted a system to help me overcome my own financial anxiety.

But as I started using this system and framework in my life, I found it greatly reduced my anxieties, which then also had other ripple effects on my marriage, our kids and my career. I fought less with my husband about money because I was less stressed out about it, and I learned how to let go of my dysfunctional money scripts that were holding me back from having the life and being the person I wanted. 

I developed healthier money scripts to help me create the life I wanted and be the person I wanted to be. It helped me earn more by negotiating and advocating for myself at work. And it helped me look at my financial figures squarely in the face to get a clear picture of my money situation. This was something I had avoided for so long because I thought money was something I wasn’t very good at and was someone else’s responsibility (like my husband’s), and not mine. 

It wasn’t until I looked at my figures directly, objectively - which by the way can be very scary or anxiety inducing if you feel you’re just not going to have enough - that ironically, is exactly what’s needed in order to overcome your financial anxieties. 

And over time, looking at your money regularly through a tracking system will reveal to you not just what exactly you're spending on or making, it will help you understand the habits and behaviours you have around money and more deeply and at an unconscious level, your money scripts and relationship with money. And this is the starting point to replace any dysfunctional money scripts you may have that will enable you to have a healthier relationship with money so that you can create financial peace of mind in your life.

How is Stop Money Stress Program Different From a Typical Financial Literacy Program

So what do you need to do if you want to stop stressing about money?

There are 3 key steps that need to happen and that is to Track, Plan and Execute.

TRACK

Tracking is something you may already be familiar with and it’s what most personal finance websites or financial literacy programs will teach you - like tracking and budgeting.

So you record all the money you’re spending and bringing in. In addition, you may have heard about budgeting, which is where you set a limit on different categories of your spending, so you may have a budget for food, a budget for utilities, a budget for clothing etc.

The problem with this traditional approach is that it doesn’t help you deal with unexpected things in life that happen - and we know it happens to all of us.

What do you do when you have a big expense that you didn’t budget for and so you bust your budget? 

For me, it is very demoralising when I keep busting my budget. And definitely anxiety inducing because now you have to deal with this unexpected ‘emergency’ expense which takes away from all your usual daily expenses. 

But no one really tells you how to deal with this except you should have saved up for an emergency fund and if you don’t have one, well, that’s just because of your bad financial habits.

That’s just not helpful and productive. 

Actually, the real power and impact of tracking is that it helps you uncover and discover your money habits and unconscious money scripts driving your behaviours. From this understanding is where you start to replace unhealthy habits with healthier ones. Unfortunately, most budgeting or tracking apps don’t help you do this because they’re usually only tracking your money after it’s happened, instead of planning ahead, especially for your so-called emergencies. 

But Karen McCall has created a software that does, it’s called MoneyGrit and I teach this in my Stop Money Stress program.

PLAN

Once you know what your current financial situation is, then it’s time to start planning what you want your life to look like and how you will fund this.

When you’re in a place of financial anxiety, it’s hard to even imagine a different life because you’re just worrying about money every day. 

But living like that will only get you more of the same. When you’re just stressing out day to day, and focusing on that, of course you’re just getting more of that because you’re telling your brain to create more of that. What you focus on grows, and that’s why we have the self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s why it’s important to have a plan of where you’d like to be. But you need a plan that you can stick with, and what I’ve found is when we use traditional budgeting that’s based on restriction and deprivation, it’s hard to stick with, it's not realistic and it doesn’t address our deep needs. So most people just give up budgeting altogether.

So your plan has to take into account your dreams, and what would drive you at a much deeper level and keep you going even when things get tough or when life gets in the way. Consistency is key to reaching your goals, so when you plan, you want to factor in safety nets and buffers that will help absorb some of the shocks of life. 

EXECUTE

In the Execute phase, we are looking at not just taking consistent action, but getting back up when you fall, because you will fall. And what I’ve seen is that successful people don’t have some magical ability to never fall, but it’s what they do when they fall that differentiates them from other not so successful people.

This is where it’s important to understand that when your plans don’t turn out the way you expect, what do you need to do to course correct and fine-tune them so that they work better next time. 

I believe there is a universal order to everything in life, and that includes our plans and actions. There is a way in which life unfolds, just like what you see in nature, in the way the entire universe works, of which we are a part of. When you’re able to understand and work in accordance with these universal principles and laws, then you see that falling down is just part of this principle just as getting back up is too. It’s all a part of the learning and improving process that is exactly what’s getting you to your dreams and goals.

It’s also important to keep your plan simple and impactful. I was once told by an ex-boss that I was too simplistic. I just think sometimes we complicate matters - especially when it comes to money. That’s not to say I don’t understand our relationship with money or life can be complicated, but when you’re trying to achieve a goal, your brain loves simple. Give it something clear and simple to focus on, and it will achieve it. Confuse your brain with too many targets to aim at, and you get nowhere.

So these 3 steps - track, plan and execute are basically what you can do to stop stressing about money.

I teach all the 3 steps in my Stop Money Stress Program, so if you’d like to know exactly how to do all the 3 steps, then I’d like to invite you to join the program. 

How You Will Benefit (Future State) From The Program

If you want to stop feeling stressed out and anxious about money all the time so you can experience more calm and peace of mind, then consider joining the program.

This program is not a financial literacy program. As I mentioned, the 3-step framework I teach in this program draws from conventional financial advice which is important, but in addition, we’ll work on uncovering your money scripts and understanding your relationship with money so that you can start to see what could be holding you back from achieving your financial goals and living the life you want - however you define that.

Some people just want financial peace of mind, some want to fight less with their husbands and partners, some just want to be able to sleep through the night without worrying about money.

Whatever it is for you, just having a simple, impactful framework that gets you the results you want and  knowing that you’ll be okay and your loved ones will be okay is already worth joining the program!

What Is The Program 

The Stop Money Stress Program consists of

Why Join Now
The pandemic has accelerated financial stress among many people.

People who have lost their jobs or are at risk of losing their jobs now feel more stressed out about money than before. Mental health is becoming more and more common, and often triggered by money stress.

The pandemic has also forced people to reassess what really matters in their life.

Many have taken this opportunity to stop putting their lives on hold and do what they’ve always wanted to do but never made time for. 

This includes investing in their own well-being and happiness, like taking up courses, learning new skills that they can use when the recovery comes.

What better time than now to invest in yourself to help you live a happier, more successful and fulfilling life?

We all want to know that no matter what happens, we’ll be alright, that our loved ones will be alright. The Stop Money Stress program will give you the step-by-step framework to help you do that.

How much (special Founding Members price)

When you sign up by 1 August, you’ll also get to enjoy the special Founding Member’s price where you get the 3 workshops, 3 extra bonuses, 3 shortcut bonuses and 30-day affirmations to stop your financial nerves at USD$44.

The price goes back up to USD $267 from 2 August. So that’s over 80% savings for you if you sign up by 1 August. 

This program is in the pre-offer stage at the moment and the content will be released weekly from August through to October. As a founding member, you get to give me your feedback about what you like about the course and what you’d like to see improve along the way. 

And once you join, you get access to the course and future updates without paying anything more. So you get access when the course is fully completed and live by October 2021 for only $44 while others who join on or after 2 August will pay $267.

If you want to get organized and stop stressing about money, sign up for the course now. 

You can go to twopointzero.me/stopmoneystress to sign up.

Once again, it’s twopointzero.me/stopmoneystress 

You’ll also find the link in the show notes. 

I hope this episode has helped you put in place some foundational steps to overcome your financial anxiety and stop stressing about money and if you want to work closer and get coached by me how you can implement this 3-step framework in your life, then join the Stop Money Stress program by 1 August to lock in the big discount. 

I hope to see you in the program and I’ll talk to you again next week!

Resources

The One Number That’s Eerily Good At Predicting Your Success In Love

This Common Behaviour Is the Number 1 Predictor of Whether You’ll Get Divorced

What is Your Relationship With Money?

The Number One Factor in Financial Success - or Failure

Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviours - Development of the Klontz Money Script Inventory

Financial Recovery - Developing A Healthy Relationship with Money

MoneyGrit

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SHARON SIDHU
The Financially Free Woman Podcast Host

ABOUT SHARON & THE FINANCIALLY FREE WOMAN PODCAST

The Financially Free Woman Podcast was launched in November 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic to share the stories of everyday people making a living doing what they love. While training her students in leadership and mental resilience, Sharon noticed the rising level of financial stress and anxiety experienced by many of her students. It dawn on Sharon that this was an opportunity for her to share how she overcame her own financial anxieties triggered by her personal experience with a 6-figure business debt and being let go from her job as the family's primary breadwinner. She began sharing everything she learned about mastering not just the practical side of money but also her mindset around money. Through this work, Sharon began meeting and building a community of women creating and living their dream lives. The Financially Free Woman Podcast is a collection of stories, practical tips and strategies to help you discover your passions, and use them to make a lucrative living. Imagine a life where you spend your time doing what you love and getting paid well for it! That's exactly what these women featured on the podcast are doing and they tell you how! Get inspired and start creating your own your dream life!

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