055 - Address Shame & Deprivation To Experience True Freedom

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In this episode, I share how it’s not your inability to save, budget, invest or be responsible with money that’s keeping you trapped in unwanted financial situations. 

It’s shame and deprivation that are driving your relationship with money. 

Shame is rooted in feelings of unworthiness.

When you feel unworthy, you start depriving yourself because you feel like you don’t deserve.

Knowing the root of your shame and deprivation enables you to stop engaging in unhealthy financial behaviours like wanting to be financially successful to be respected, accepted and loved.

Listen to this episode to learn why you need to address the areas of shame and deprivation in your life if you want real freedom.

Transcript

Hello again!

Today, I wanted to talk about something that you’ll hardly hear when it comes to creating a life of financial freedom.

And it’s SHAME & DEPRIVATION.

Most people don’t realise it’s shame that’s driving their unhealthy financial behaviours. 

It’s not the inability to save, budget, invest or be responsible with money that’s keeping people trapped in unwanted financial situations. 

It’s shame and deprivation.

Renowned shame researcher Brené Brown defines shame as the ‘intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.’

Oxford dictionary defines shame as,

‘A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour and a regrettable or unfortunate situation or action.’

Shame is rooted in feelings of unworthiness.

When you feel unworthy, you start depriving yourself because you feel like you don’t deserve.

Deprivation can come in many forms, not just the idea of withholding that we often associate deprivation with.

Leading money coach Karen McCall breaks down deprivation into 3 forms. These are the 3 ways you may be depriving yourself:

Doing Without

Making Do

Overdoing

Doing without is what we often associate with deprivation. You go completely without it. You forego it. An example of this would be doing without insurance because you’d rather take your chance at something bad not happening than pay for the premiums for something you think won’t happen.

Making do is when you just do the bare minimum on things that really matter. This is not the same as spending consciously or deferring a purchase after careful consideration instead of spending impulsively. For example, you make do with ill fitting shoes because they were on sale rather than pay a little more for comfortable shoes that fit. 

Overdoing is where you’re always going over - over working, over fussy, over eating, over buying. For example, you buy that pair of shorts in 3 different colours when one will do. Or you get your kids 5 hot wheel cars when 1 will do.

Most of us have a combination of these 3 types of ways we deprive ourselves in different areas of our lives.

Knowing the root of your shame and deprivation enables you to stop engaging in unhealthy financial behaviours such as using money to stop feeling ashamed and deprived.

Money is the easiest way to cover up and disguise our feelings of unworthiness. We think if we have financial success, it will increase our sense of self-worth

But that’s hardly ever the case. Do you remember when you used to make less money? Did you say to yourself that when you make more money, you’ll feel happier, safer, more secure and life will be better?

If you’re earning more money now than when you did before, do you now feel happier, safer, more secure and is life better now? 

Or do you still feel the same way as before?

If you still feel the same insecurity as before when you were making less money, then you’ve just proven to yourself that it isn’t more money that makes you feel happier, safer or more secure.

It’s knowing why you feel unworthy in the first place and addressing it that will make you feel happier, safer, more secure and make life better, no matter what your financial situation.

Sure, money will help you put a roof over your head, food on the table and have a more comfortable life. But if you think more money alone will bring you the freedom you seek, then you may want to reassess that.

Instead, this freedom comes when you address the areas of shame and deprivation in your life head on. Usually this is done in non-financial ways.

It’s a conversation to be had, an acceptance and letting go that needs to happen, a recognition that you can never change the past of what happened, or showing compassion, kindness and forgiveness - to others and more importantly, yourself.

Financial freedom is just one aspect of freedom. It won’t bring you time freedom if you don’t know how to use your time wisely now, it won’t bring you peace of mind or mind freedom, if you don’t know how to deal with your worrying and stressful thoughts now. No matter what your financial situation is at this moment.

Uncovering what you feel ashamed about that causes you to live a life of deprivation is key to developing a healthier relationship with money. 

When you can relate with money in healthier ways, you’ll have the clarity and courage to take consistent action to change your financial situation. You’ll be able to see when it’s appropriate to use money to address a problem and when it’s not. 

Discovering areas of your life where you’ve been depriving yourself is what I teach in my program called Mindfulness In Money.

If you’re interested to learn more about how shame and deprivation is driving your relationship with money, then I’d like to invite you to join my Mindfulness in Money Program. 

This is a 12-week program with weekly live classes and coaching with me, hands-on experiential activities with your fellow students designed to equip you with the skills to take leadership of all aspects of your financial life - mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually. 

I’ll be sharing the 12 steps of my holistic mindfulness and practical money management system to help you stop worrying about money so that you can create a life of financial confidence, peace of mind and freedom without the deprivation, shame, guilt or putting your life on hold.

This program is only available a few times a year so sign up now.

You can find out more by going to twopointzero.me/program, that’s TWO-POINT-ZERO-DOT-ME-SLASH-PROGRAM

I look forward to seeing you in the program!

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SHARON SIDHU
The Financially Free Woman Podcast Host

ABOUT SHARON & THE FINANCIALLY FREE WOMAN PODCAST

The Financially Free Woman Podcast was launched in November 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic to share the stories of everyday people making a living doing what they love. While training her students in leadership and mental resilience, Sharon noticed the rising level of financial stress and anxiety experienced by many of her students. It dawn on Sharon that this was an opportunity for her to share how she overcame her own financial anxieties triggered by her personal experience with a 6-figure business debt and being let go from her job as the family's primary breadwinner. She began sharing everything she learned about mastering not just the practical side of money but also her mindset around money. Through this work, Sharon began meeting and building a community of women creating and living their dream lives. The Financially Free Woman Podcast is a collection of stories, practical tips and strategies to help you discover your passions, and use them to make a lucrative living. Imagine a life where you spend your time doing what you love and getting paid well for it! That's exactly what these women featured on the podcast are doing and they tell you how! Get inspired and start creating your own your dream life!

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